I dont think this statement holds good.. It actually works the other way round..
If I respect myself, I respect everyone around!
So if there are quite a few people whom I dont respect at all, does that mean, my self respect is very low???
The answer to the question above is YES!! It was quite disturbing for me when i came across this concept and it was very difficult for me to digest…
” That does not make any sense!! I respect myself a lot, and just cuz I dont view certain people as deserving respect, does not and i mean it, DOES NOT mean that I have low Self Respect”
I had this thought all of the time, after my class on one of the power tools – Respect Vs. Invalidation. In this class, I had to deal with this complex concept of respecting others and self… I cudnt quite link the two fundas..
Why do they say that if Im not respecting few people around me, Im actually not respecting myself??
And the answer to this was quite simple and it occurred to me few days back.. I had to post this as it means a lot of clarity of thought for me..
Let me try to word it in an example.. If i ask my reader friends to define the word ‘Quality’, what will be your answer??
Quality is fitness for use, having minimum no. of defects or no defects, complying to certain standards,etc
So if we visit Mc Donalds, and the burger served to us is hot, very yum, just as its shown in the ads put up there, we say it is as per the promised quality!! Can we expect the same quality from a road side stall selling a burger??
If i go there and question the guy at the small road side stall, saying he is not selling quality stuff, you all can guess what i will get to hear from him… He will politely ask me to get lost…He sells his burger at less than half or may be even lesser than the price of what McD sells.. and his tacit quality standards are : the stuff he sells is hot and fills the tummy of any hungry person who has a very light pocket..
So both sell kinda quality stuff.. Just that the quality standards the 2 products adhere to are different!!
So far good??? This is what happens with us too friends!!
If i go around the world judging a road side burger with the quality standards of a Mc Donald burger,or may be the other way round, i go around invalidating myself, not the world!!
In short, I judge people based on my quality standards without even taking a minute off to see, what is the quality they are adhering to!! And what are the quality standards that we all have? They depend on the values we hold close to our heart!!
I am a person who loves freedom!! Freedom is my quality standard!! I may not respect a person who is living a life, someone has asked him to live.. whereas for that person, his quality standard may be, living his life in a manner that pleases the people around him…
He is fit as per his quality standard & im fit as per mine!! The minute i start judging him based on my quality standards, i start invalidating myself!! How do i Invalidate myself here?
I got a better understanding of this concept on reading Dr. Chana’s post on Integrative Communication. Beautiful post which gave me a lot of clarity. The link to this post is:
On reading the post, it dawned on me that I have been created to see people as they exist. I have that capacity to love them and treat them as respectable individuals, but i sometimes choose to NOT SEE them in the manner they exist.. I choose to see them in a manner I EXIST… i judge them against my quality standards & by doing so i have simply invalidated myself..
U think, people who go around judging people, have a lot of self respect for themselves? No.. Im sure they fail to see themselves also exist in a manner they really do.. they may be seeing themselves as failed individuals, as a failure at all those little things like a job, or a relationship or money matters… come on..
We all do it!! If you think, im writing this post as a preacher.. NO!! I also have my judgements!! We all do!
It may be impossible for us to stop judging people and even more so, to stop judging ourselves… But the max we can do to save our self respect is “RELEASE OUR JUDGMENTS”… Simply being aware of our self, can help us here!! Lets just observe ourselves a little more than we do everyday.. and with regular observation those small little judgments will surface .. & when we get to know of them, we can very well suspend them or release them or let them hang in there for a while..
Leaving my friends with some food for thought here.. Im leaving with the same state of mind too!!